From 56b47799292cf4bc328c53ffe13f5e29250ca61f Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: rzen Date: Sun, 1 Aug 2021 07:34:59 -0400 Subject: [PATCH] add and switch to kids jokes --- kids-jokes.txt | 110 +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ run.sh | 2 +- 2 files changed, 111 insertions(+), 1 deletion(-) create mode 100644 kids-jokes.txt diff --git a/kids-jokes.txt b/kids-jokes.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..1f9224b --- /dev/null +++ b/kids-jokes.txt @@ -0,0 +1,110 @@ +How do all the oceans say hello to each other? They wave! +What did one wall say to the other wall? I’ll meet you at the corner! +What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear! +What do you call cheese that’s not yours? Nacho cheese! +What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite! +What do elves learn in school? The elf-abet. +Why are seagulls called seagulls? Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels! +Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road? To go with the traffic jam! +How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it. +What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta! +Why couldn’t the pony sing himself a lullaby? He was a little hoarse. +What’s a pirate’s favorite letter? Rrrrrrr! +What musical instrument is found in the bathroom? A tuba toothpaste. +Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools! +What did 0 say to 8? Nice belt! +Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach? Because they might peel! +What do you call a cow on a trampoline? A milk shake! +Where do cows go for entertainment? To the moo-vies! +How do you know if there’s an elephant under your bed? Your head hits the ceiling! +What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef! +What do you call a pig that knows karate? A pork chop! +Why are ghosts bad liars? Because you can see right through them! +Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honey combs! +What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator! +Why did the man run around his bed? Because he was trying to catch up on his sleep! +What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping? A dino-snore! +Why did the teddy bear say “no” to dessert? Because she was stuffed. +What has ears but cannot hear? A field of corn. +What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between us, something smells! +What did one plate say to the other plate? Dinner is on me! +Why did the kid cross the playground? To get to the other slide. +What do you call a droid that takes the long way around? R2 detour. +How do you stop an astronaut’s baby from crying? You rocket! +What is a witch’s favorite subject in school? Spelling! +What do you call a duck that gets all A’s? A wise quacker. +What kind of tree fits in your hand? A palm tree! +What animal is always at a game of cricket? A bat. +What is a tornado’s favorite game to play? Twister! +How does the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it. +How does a scientist freshen their breath? With experi-mints! +How are false teeth like stars? They come out at night! +How can you tell a vampire has a cold? They starts coffin. +What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding half a worm. +What time is it when the clock strikes 13? Time to get a new clock. +What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back? A stick. +Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon? The food was good, but there really wasn’t much atmosphere. +How do you make an octopus laugh? With ten-tickles! +What did the nose say to the finger? Stop picking on me! +What is a vampire’s favorite fruit? A blood orange. +What do you call a dog magician? A labracadabrador. +Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance? He had no body to dance with. +What kind of award did the dentist receive? A little plaque. +What do you call a funny mountain? Hill-arious. +What did the big flower say to the little flower? Hi, bud! +Why was the picture sent to prison? It was framed. +Where do rabbits go after they get married? On a bunny-moon! +What sound do hedgehogs make when they hug? Ouch! +Why do ducks make great detectives? They always quack the case. +What do you call an old snowman? Water. +Why didn’t the orange win the race? It ran out of juice. +What dinosaur had the best vocabulary? The thesaurus. +Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash! +What creature is smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee. +What is orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot! +What kind of dinosaur loves to sleep? A stega-snore-us. +Where do sheep go to get their hair cut? The baa-baa shop. +What do you call a group of disorganized cats? A cat-tastrophe. +Why did the chicken get a penalty? For fowl play. +Where do you learn to make banana splits? At sundae school. +Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing. +Where do hamburgers go to dance? The meat-ball. +What’s the worst thing about throwing a party in space? You have to planet. +Why did the tree go to the dentist? It needed a root canal. +Why can’t you trust atoms? They make up everything! +Why do moon rocks taste better than earth rocks? Because they’re meteor. +What kind of music do planets listen to? Nep-tunes. +Why did the opera singer go sailing? They wanted to hit the high Cs. +When do doctors get angry? When they run out of patients. +Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? In case they got a hole in one. +Why did the scientist take out their doorbell? The wanted to win the no-bell prize. +What did the calculator say to the maths student? You can count on me. +Why couldn’t the bike stand up? It was too tired. +What did the digital clock say to the grandfather clock? Look! No hands! +Why did the computer go to the doctor? It had a virus. +What did the hat say to the scarf? You hang around, and I’ll go on ahead. +What do you call a blind dinosaur? A do-you-think-he-saw-us. +What do you call two guys hanging on a window? Kurt and Rod. +How do you find Will Smith when he’s lost? You just look for fresh prints. +Why did the worker get fired from the orange juice factory? Lack of concentration. +What did one tonsil say to the other? Better get dressed. The doctors’s taking us out tonight! +Did you hear about the kidnapping in the park? They woke him up. +What do you call a guy lying on your doorstep? Matt. +What do snowmen call their fancy annual dance? The Snowball. +Why is it so windy inside an arena? All those fans. +What do you do if you see a spaceman? Park your car, man. +Why should you never trust a pig with a secret? Because it’s bound to squeal. +What does a spider’s bride wear? A webbing dress. +Where do young cows eat lunch? In the calf-ateria. +What did the policeman say to his tummy? Freeze. You’re under a vest. +What do birds give out on Halloween? Tweets. +What do you call a flower that runs on electricity? A power plant! +What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers! +Why did the teacher put on sunglasses? Because their students were so bright! +What falls in winter but never gets hurt? The snow! +What do you call a dog that can tell time? A watch dog! +Why did the stop doing tests at the zoo? Because it was full of cheetahs! +Why is a bad joke like a bad pencil? It has no point! +What room can nobody enter? A mushroom! +What kind of key can never unlock a door? A monkey! +What has four wheels and flies? A rubbish truck! diff --git a/run.sh b/run.sh index 5653a60..ccdd39a 100755 --- a/run.sh +++ b/run.sh @@ -2,7 +2,7 @@ while true; do - export joke=`shuf -n 1 jokes.txt` + export joke=`shuf -n 1 kids-jokes.txt` timeout --foreground -vs9 5m watch -tn60 ./dash.sh if [ $? -eq 0 ]; then reset